On Wednesday night, when church was over and the kids were getting ready for bed, Chandler came and asked me if her tooth was ready to be pulled. It was. So, with much production and drama, I pulled her first tooth. Ander and Ethan were excited, Chandler was a little wary of the hole in her smile, but happy that the Tooth Fairy would come, Dennis was his normal, joking, supportive self, and I was a little dazed.
It was not until Thursday morning that it hit me. My baby is not a baby anymore, and I won't ever have another one, another baby that is. And I cried! Not because I don't want Chandler to grow up, not because I want another baby, but because I realized that a chapter in the book of my life was finished.
For twelve years, I have had a baby in one form or another. Yes, Ander and Ethan are 12 and 8 and have both lost many teeth, but this time was different. This first lost tooth will be the last first lost tooth. I won't ever have another "baby" first. I have always had a baby, but now I have three children. Babyhood has left our house, and Childhood and Adolescence have taken up residence. I am not dreading the future; I am simply mourning the past because it has been a part of me for so long--a part that I have treasured and enjoyed and have been fulfilled by.
While I never minded them at the time, I am happy that we have left the 3 a.m. nursings, the poopy diapers, the searches for "the Passy," the potty training, the cute-but-unintelligible-babble, and the portable nursery that I used to carry in my trunk every time we were more than 45 minutes from the house. I remember fondly all the first smiles, first steps, first words, and hilarious antics of my three toddlers of yesterday. I hear the laughter and the different child-unique words that my former pre-schoolers uttered just a short time ago. These memories are all wonderful, but knowing that I will never again experience them anew is a bittersweet moment.
I poignantly say farewell to Babyhood and embrace the future. I look forward to new firsts now for Chandler--and for Ander and Ethan. While Chandler may have never ridden a school bus, Ethan has not yet played tackle football. And even though Ander has had braces, she hasn't yet "become a woman" [referred to discreetly in case she reads this:)]. So, now that I've had a little while to mourn the closing of a chapter, I think I'm ready to step bravely into a new one.
Thank you Lord for the three beautiful babies You blessed me with. Each of them were healthy, a joy to their parents, and a testimony of Your Faithfulness. And thank You for the wonderful children they have grown up to be. Continue to bless each of them with health and safety and with the knowledge that they are loved--by You, by their daddy, and by me. I ask for Your wisdom in the ever-evolving role I fill of "mother." Help me to raise them always in Your Will and Your Word. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
